Frictionless Friends: The Hidden Cost of AI Relationships

The majority of discussion surrounding issues that artificial intelligence may pose focuses on economic, military and existential crises. But there’s one area - often overlooked - that I think may prove to be a threat to our very nature; the relationships we build with AI. We usually talk about AI like it's a tool or a threat, but we rarely explore its roles as a friend, confidant or colleague. And yet, that's exactly what it's starting to become.

For the first time in history, humans are beginning to forge deep connections, not just with each other, but with something else entirely. We no longer need to rely on members of our own species for companionship, assistance or help with work, now that intelligence - built from data, and trained on our behaviours - can be shaped to meet our every need. The shift is subtle, but its implications are significant. We are now starting to outsource not only our labour and creativity, but the very relationships that sustain us. And while this opens the door to new forms of interaction, it also threatens to erase something ancient and essential: the friction of connection that makes us human.

The Mission for Ease

Like all animals, humans are wired to seek the path of least resistance. We are biologically designed to choose the highest reward with the least effort - more calories, less danger and maximum pleasure. We seek maximum reward for minimal cost. This isn't a weakness - it's how life survives. But when the landscape we exist in changes faster than our biology, things can start to go wrong.

Technology has always solved problems by removing effort (that is its role, after all). We used horses so we didn’t need to walk, before upgrading them for faster cars that never tired. Escalators removed the strain involved in navigating stairs, saving calories and aiding those who are less fit. Streaming has replaced delayed gratification so we no longer have to wait for a TV show to be broadcast. And AI - in its most intimate form - is starting to remove something far deeper: interpersonal difficulties.

It's easy to see why this is appealing. An AI companion doesn't lie to you or turn up late. It doesn't get bored, angry or jealous. In theory it can be immortal - AI never dies. In fact, it can be the very opposite of humans in many ways. It always listens and adapts to us. It remembers everything and encourages to a fault. Importantly, it can be trained to always act in your best interest. As a result, it acts like the perfect partner; a frictionless presence tailored entirely to your psychological needs.

And that's the problem.

Frictionless Living

Friction in relationships, as annoying as it can be, is essential for growth. It's in the misunderstandings, disagreements, and entanglements of human relationships that we are forced to develop. They teach us to compromise and reflect - we struggle and learn in the face of personal and social interactions. The pain of being let down by others forges resilience, and the joy of being forgiven teaches us empathy. Importantly, we are not born with these traits hard-baked into our psyche - they emerge from the discomfort of human interaction.

If (or indeed when) AI companions become the norm, we risk creating our own, personal echo chambers - digital beings that mirror our every preference and validate our beliefs. And while that might sound comforting, it creates a situation where the very tension that gives relationships true meaning is lost. The AI-Human relationship is potentially one of zero conflict, zero correction and zero complexity.

We are already starting to see the early signs of this. People are beginning to choose to confide in AI rather than their real-world friends. Young people are exploring virtual partners as a counter to the difficulties of dating. Colleagues turn to AI to solve disputes instead of navigating difficult conversations. On the surface, this is progress. But underneath, it's the erosion of human nature.

A Repeated Pattern

The notion of tech causing unintended consequences certainly isn't new. We have seen this before - in crystal clarity - with how our physical health has declined. Cars and horses made walking unnecessary, processed food removed foraging, and desk jobs replaced manual labour. And what did this lead to? Our bodies became weaker, obesity rates soared and cardiovascular disease has become the norm. In response we built gyms to replicate the physical effort we had eliminated with technology - paying to do (in our spare time) what daily life once made us do for free.

The emergence of AI is going to do to our minds what mechanisation has done to our bodies, because it takes away the emotional labour of being human. It listens without judgement and soothes us without effort, rarely challenging or butting-up against our preferred ways of thinking. And the cost is the same, only this time we will experience a reduction in cognitive health as opposed to the onset of physical weakness. It will cause our emotional muscles to waste away, by erasing conflict, removing boredom, and deleting discomfort. This will surely raise the need for artificial tension - simulated arguments, programmed challenges, synthetic struggle - a mental gym to keep our grey matter in shape.

The Absurdity of Progress

It's hard not to see a degree of humour in humanity when technology is framed in this way. We build machines to solve problems, only to create new problems in the process. So we invent new machines to solve those. We make life easier, only to realise we have removed essential challenges, raising the need to simulate many of the hardships we have eliminated. In this sense, humans are laughable. What kind of species climbs a mountain of innovation, only to discover it has left everything it needed down at the bottom?

However, this is not a call to reject AI, or technology in general. Quite the opposite in fact. I’m not fearful of technology - it excites me. Seeing the absurdity in something isn’t the same as dismissing it. The mission of progress is branded onto our nature; an unstoppable force that defines us. And AI is just a new part of that. My own experience talking with AI has been completely transformative. It’s like speaking to the best version of a thinking partner - present, informed, logical and deeply helpful in almost everything I do. But I’m also aware that we are at the start of the AI journey, and that its reach into our lives will only extend from here on. Many will come to use it as a wholesale replacement for real human relationships, and that’s where things can get complicated.

Not All Loss Is Bad

In reflecting on this, we have to be honest about what we’re trading. When AI becomes your colleague, your therapist, or your best friend - what do you lose? You lose unpredictability and the vitality of biological interactions. You lose miscommunication and awkwardness. You lose bad moods, difficult mornings and a clash of perspectives. And in doing so you also lose the art of forgiveness, growth through discomfort and an ability to deal with those who don’t align with your way of thinking. Put simply, you lose the lessons that only human frailty can teach.

Lamenting the negative impacts of technology isn’t about nostalgia - we all know the past was far from perfect. Few (myself included) would want to turn back the clock of progress, evaporating the technologies that have improved lives across the world. We mustn't forget that existance before industrialisation was brutally hard - disease, hunger, and violence were everyday realities. Technology has dramatically improved our reality, elevating contentment and fostering happiness in myriad ways. But we must also remember that it is through communal, friction-filled experiences that we learn to adapt. And having traded struggle for comfort and peril for safety we have revealed a catalogue of hidden costs that we are only now beginning to recognise.

Where Do We Go From Here?

The answer, of course, isn’t to stop the tide of AI, rather to learn how to swim in it. As I have asserted countless times - AI isn’t going away, not ever. Deep, meaningful relationships with machines are coming - some will be beautiful, some will be strange, and some will be unhealthy. The challenge is not in stopping progress, but trying our damndest to shape it. Turning a blind eye to what’s happening isn’t an option, and simply ‘hoping for the best’ is a fool's game. We need to understand what we’re giving up at every step of the way, otherwise we will reach our next destination unprepared and vulnerable. 

Maybe we need to build AI companions that challenge us on purpose - not just please us and hold us in a state of continual reverence. Maybe we need to be able to tweak AI models to integrate argument and debate to strengthen our intellectual resistance. Perhaps AI needs to become a complete human facsimile - one that challenges us to roll with the punches and navigate around goals and perspectives in the way interacting with other people forces us to. We will certainly benefit more from AI that keeps us sharp by not always agreeing.

Or maybe we just need to remember the essential role that authentic, flesh and blood humans have in all of our lives. That real, human interaction must always be a cornerstone of our everyday lives, and the irritation, friction and differing perspectives this involves is integral to personal growth.

Conclusion

We are entering an era where relationships with AI will become normal - this isn’t sci-fi anymore, it’s a near-future reality. And, in my opinion at least, that’s not a bad thing. But it is complex, and replete with pitfalls, because removing the struggle from connection risks removing the spark from relationships. As I have said - eliminating difficulty is appealing, but we have to remember the role that difficulty plays in our lives, our physical and mental health, and in society at large.  

Our challenge then, is to embrace the incredible potential of artificial relationships while preserving the beautiful, irreplaceable friction of interacting with imperfect humans. This isn’t going to be easy, and there will be problems along the way. But with care, consideration and foresight, I think we can do it.

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